The Times They Are-A-Changin'

"So much has changed it seems nothing ever changes."

--- The Lawrence Arms

Sorry for the layoff... I've been a very busy man lately. I promise though, I'll make more time for you. I mean it this time... don't give me that look. I can change dammit, I can change!!!

So I see you've noticed the random quote at the top of this post. Why is it there? Well I'll explain. This last month has been a very interesting month, to say the least. I turned 22, and let me tell all of you "under 21" readers out there... turning 22 is very different than turning just about any other age. I mean, turning any age between 1 and 12 means presents. Lots and lots of presents. 13 means PG-13 films, and admission into the teenage fanclub. Ages 14 and 15 are really pointless, you just don't realize it, you're too busy moving up the teenage ladder. Turning 16 is huge cause it means drivers license; 17 is a year closer to 18 and 18 is...well...legal. 19 and 20 are cool ages in retrospect cause they're your "I'm getting everything out of my system before I grow up and turn 21" years. And then there's the big 2-1, which I'm sure every under 21 reader is drooling over, so I don't even need to go into the importance. But 22... there's nothing cool to look forward to. You can already drive, vote, buy booze, purchase condoms without getting eyeballed, etc... You're just another year older, and another year removed from the adolescence you spent so many years trying to escape, which is ironic cause it's really what you wish you had again. It's kind of a letdown.

So, like I said, I turned 22 and I kind of got to thinking about the past year and how much has changed. And it's funny cause so much has really changed, you just wouldn't notice it. Kyle's been home the last month for the first time in a year and a half. It's hard thinking that I went from seeing this kid every day for six years to not seeing him for a year a half, but what's even harder to grasp is that nothing feels different. He came home, and he's the same ole' Kyle. He's still drinkin, still smokin, still jokin, and still looking to plant his penis in any willing woman (SIDEBAR: He's home for another two weeks ladies... so hit him up HERE) It's like he was never gone. And you know the bitch of it all? It no longer feels like he was gone for a year and a half. I'm sure that will change when he leaves again... but right now it just seems... well... the same.

But I know its not. I know that he's changed. I know that he's not the same Kyle. I know he's grown up, and that his experience overseas has changed him. I can tell when we talk. I can hear it in his voice. I can see it in his eyes. And I'm not mad, oh on the contrary. I'm proud he grew up, cause it was time he did. It just kills me to know that he has.

I see it in everybody around me. I see it in Jessica; so confident, so at ease, so happy. I'm so happy for her, but at the same time I miss my little insecure Jess who would randomly text or call or instant message me to ask if she liked her hair, or thought she was good enough to get some boy who most definitely did not deserve her. I see it in Sean, who after eight years, and one very "he said-she said" debacle is still my best friend. He's still the same punk-rock kid he was a year ago, by my side with his fist in the air at the Anti-Flag show; only he doesn't buy into what they're preaching anymore. It's cool he has his own thoughts he came to on his own conclusion, but it kind of sucks being the only one Angry, Young, and Poor.

I see it in so many others... but I think what gets me the most is that I find change in myself. And don't get me wrong, change is not a bad thing. I hope I've grown up from the mopey 18 year old I once was. I hope I've learned from the mistakes that 19 year old Matt made. But do I really want to get too far away from what I once was? I mean, I've made some huge strides in the past year, some good and some, well, debatable. I'd like to think I've grown in the last year. I've gained a better understanding for everything around me, even if it has caused me to become much more bitter. I'd like to think that I've mellowed a bit from the high-strung, emotional roller-coaster Matty everyone has grown to love, even if my tolerance level has grown increasingly thin. I'd like to think I've taken steps out of my secure little box, even if it does produce pictures like this. Some would argue I'm still the same old wishy-washy Matty. Others would say I've grown up. Walking that line bothers me.

I'm the guy who at 21 wouldn't even have a sip of an alcoholic beverage, yet spent a good part of his 22nd birthday in a hole in the wall bar in Oceanside. I'm still listening to punk, but I prefer The Gaslight Anthem and the Clash to Bad Religion and Social Distortion. I'm still the same t-shirt and jeans kind of guy, even if the t-shirt is under a cardigan and the jeans have gotten a bit tighter. Hell, I like the Police, but right now I'm listening to Sting.

Thankfully, some things never change, like my love for the Angels. The Angels always seem to consume my life from March to October, although this year seems a bit more important. When I hear they traded for Mark Teixeira I started screaming uncontrollably. I must have sounded like Kevin Garnett. When they swept Boston two times in two weeks, it felt like they won the World Series. I'm already thinking about how I'm going to get playoff tickets. I shouldn't feel this way at the end of July.
(SIDEBAR: For everybody out there complaining about the Casey Kotchman for Mark Teixeira deal, I look at it this way. On The Office, Jim essentially had his choice between Karen and Pam. One one hand, Karen was cute, dependable, marginally successful, and was an all around good girlfriend already. If you ended up with her, you wouldn't complain. On the other hand, however, was Pam. Jim had been crushing on Pam since the inception of the show. She was always right there, but always just out of reach. She was everything Karen was, and more. Even if it didn't work out in the long term, you'd be okay knowing you went out and tried. That's how I see this Kotch for Tex deal. Casey was Karen. He's had a nice season, and looked like he was going to grow into what he was supposed to be, a nice, dependable good-but-not-great major league first baseman. If he was starting for the Halos come October, nobody would complain even though he might go 3-13 in a series with no home runs. But Teixeira, he's Pam. They went after him last season, but came up empty handed. He's everything that you need to make a legit run at the World Series. He's everything Kotchman is, and more. If you're Jim, how can you not pick Pam...? Yeah, I just tied the Office and the Angels into one long winded explanation. You've got to love it.)

Anyways, it's 3:40 in the morning, and I'm tired, so I'm going to wrap this up. While it's hard to see things have changed, they have. And not everything has changed completely, and not every change is for the worse. But it does kill me to know thing's have changed...